Being close to your grandchildren is an amazing experience. You have a chance to show them that you love them unconditionally. It can strengthen family bonds and help form stronger relationships with your in-laws. But Sarah discovered that it’s not always as great as it seems.
Even though you never intended to replace her, your grandson calling you “mom” clearly touched a sensitive nerve. Instead of only correcting your grandson, consider having an honest conversation with your DIL where you acknowledge how confusing and hurtful that must feel for her. Let her know you see her as the primary mother and that you want to support her role, not compete with it.
Shift from living in their household to being a supportive presence around it.
It sounds like you stepped in during a transitional period when your DIL needed extra support, but now she may feel like her role and independence as a parent are being overshadowed. Even if it feels painful, looking for your own space might actually preserve your long-term bond. You can frame it not as “leaving” but as “giving them room to grow as a family” while still being available for babysitting, dinners, or special moments.
Rebuild trust through small, intentional actions.
Don’t push for big reconciliations right now. Instead, give her space while consistently showing respect for her boundaries. For example, when your grandson calls you “mom,” gently redirect him without making it a big scene. When you visit, ask your DIL what she would like you to do, and follow her lead. Over time, these little gestures can show her that you’re not trying to take her place but rather to strengthen her family unit.
Sarah might not be wrong in this situation, but maybe her DIL has a point. Being too close can cause fractures in a relationship, and nobody wants that.
But Sarah isn’t the only reader with in-law struggles. Another one of our readers reached out. This is their story, My MIL Kept Ignoring My Boundaries—So I Finally Took My Revenge
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